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STRESS!!!!!!!

OMG! I'm dying....i think I may explode from the anxiety. I've got 13 days til my general exams and I feel completely unprepared for the task at hand. I keep trying to study but constantly distract myself with something to avoid the tension.....like posting on lj. I'm so afraid of failing....i don't think i will be able to take the humiliation.

I'm terrified, anxious, stressed, and completely beyond hope of actually passing this thing.....

fb stalking is bad for your health....

blar....some times i look at fb and get so depressed....i look at other people i've graduated with and wonder--what the hell happened with me??? i know at least a handful of drs, lawyers, business people who graduated with me who are married, own homes, own successful businesses, etc.....and here i am in my apt (albeit an awesome apt with a man i love unconditionally)...no closer to owning my own place, job prospects are tenuous, and i barely make enough to keep the bills paid.....blar!!! Some times I think I should have just been an accountant.....instead of pursuing my phd.... I may someday be Dr. Doughty, but some days it just doesn't seem worth it....

I love the GRINCH!!

and nope I'm not talking about the furry, green Grinch...I have my very own Grinch--named Eric! Eric absolutely hates all things bright and shiney and pre-lit during this magical holiday season. He puts the Bah in Bah Humbug. The Screw in Scrooge!!! Every time we pass someone who has gone over-board decorating their house, Eric is compelled to mutter "asshole". So I knew when I declared that last night we (meaning me with the help of a dash of Eric's sarcasm) would be decorating for Christmas, that Eric was gonna complain. So in anticipation, I bought Eric one of his favorite types of beer and cooked one of his favorite of my meals!!! After dinner, I reminded him that we were gonna start decorating cuz I've already waited a WHOLE WEEK!!!! Well, immediately Eric started to bitch about not decorating...blah blah blah. I ignored it cuz I was in the HOLIDAY SPIRIT DAMNIT!!! I WOULD DECORATE!!! I pull out all the boxes from the storage closet--including my pre-lit tree that my parents bought me a few years ago. All the while Eric is moaning and groaning about how we could do this TOMORROW when he was off (FYI he wakes up at 6 am on Saturdays to work at the coffee shop, not my definition of OFF)....We slowly start assembling the pre-lit 6.5' foot tree, positioning branches and plugging in the different sections...Well just as we are finished with the assembly, we discover that the tree can not go in it's usual spot by the window because it will block Eric's comfy leather chair (this chair has just been put in the living room and is Eric's FAVORITE piece of furniture EVER) so I have to accept that the tree CAN NOT go in it's traditional spot (and we all know how well I do with change of any kind).....So I stiff upper lip the situation and concede to placing the tree in the corner, telling myself that I will be to decorate the widow including buying stocking hangers to hang our stocking ups on the window ledge. So strike one against decorating......Anywho I continue on in my quest to decorate, having Eric relocate the tree to the corner parallel to the TV and across from the couch. Then disaster strikes---I plug in my reliable old tree and 3/4ths of the tree's pre-lit lights are no longer pre-lit....the damn thing is busted!!! And Eric begins bitching in earnest about how he DOES NOT want to fuddle with finding a single burnt out bulb on a string buried in a damn tree...blah blah blah. I silently agree with Eric's frustration, but damnit I WANNA DECORATE MY TREE!!!! So we set about trying to locate the loose bulb or whatever the problem is with the tree....We try to isolate what portion of the tree doesn't work so I take the top 1/3 of the tree off and plug it in independently--and IT DOESN"T WORK! I then suggest maybe the fuses are blown and Eric bitches while changing the fuses, but nope the damn thing is DONE DONE DONE!! My lovely pre-lit tree that my parents bought me is now just a plain old tree.....My dejection is palpable. And Eric immediately goes into spin control mode. He knows how much I love Christmas and how much I love decorating, so he starts suggesting we just buy lights to go on the tree (which seemed a bit silly to me, since you would see both unlit and lit lights on this tree) OR he suggested we just go and get a real tree. I've never gotten a real tree of my very own, so I had Eric call his mom and see when they were going to get their tree. As luck would have it, Mrs. Mary said that Whole Foods has some sorta deal on trees--a 4ft for $25 or a 7ft for $50. I told Eric I wanted the big one (not that surprising since the dead tree is 6.5ft). Eric assured me that we could go with his mom and get our very own real tree. And that he would happily string up the lights. Since I couldn't go all Martha Stewart on my tree, I contented myself with putting up my tinsel garland and the glitter mistletoe (Eric only bitched alittle about trying to hang garland using tacks on a stud wall, but I didn't really take it to heart cuz he did such a good job). I then shared my plan about decorating the now de-nuded window and Eric very sweetly agreed that my idea was excellent and that if Santa did exist he would surely come through the window, meaning my placement of stockings would be perfect!

So in the end, my very own personal Grinch was forced into becoming a Santa's helper due to the disaster of my tree's treachery!

why i love Eric.........

so today i had yet another reason to love Eric even more than I do.....Yesterday while watching the Saints game a commercial came on the TV for an electric car....in the commercial the driver of the electric car pulled up to what looked like a gas pump but it was actually an electric pumping station...i made a comment about not knowing where one would find an electric pumping station for a car (i didn't put it quite as well...in fact I kinda had a blonde moment but Eric understood what I meant even if his friends made fun of me).....well today after his exams, as he was walking home Eric came across an electric pumping thingie in the parking lot on campus....and he took a picture of it and sent it to me so I could see a real life one......and that's why I know I have found my match....in the midst of all the crazy stress of his generals....after an 8 hr day of major exams....Eric took the time to stop and take a silly picture so I could see an electric car pump!!!

LCMRS conference......

Eric and I had an AWESOME time at the Louisiana Consortium of Medieval and Renaissance Scholars conference last weekend in Pensacola Beach.....I got to see some old professors from SELU--like Dr. Robison!! I presented a paper on Concubinage in Scandinavia and Anglo-Saxon England.....Basically it went over INCREDIBLY well....I've been offered several speaking engagements (basically re-reading my paper and guest lecturing) and one of the professors there suggested I should consider Brill publications for my first book--that she was a reader there and would be very excited about pushing through my first book!!!

After all these years of working, to have such an overwhelming response and support was really great. I was kinda like a mini-rockstar for a while! LOVED IT!!!

Work starts.....

OMG!! I'm kinda freaking out....my big girl job starts tomorrow and I"m only partially prepared....My schedule has changed once again and now I'm teaching two World History classes....which is fine except I don't have the book to look at so I can plan my syllabus and course overview.....BLAR!!! So basically my first class tomorrow (at 8 am) will mostly consist of me telling them about policies and procedures and then sending them out cuz I have no idea what my first lecture is gonna be....ugh!!! Luckily I'm pretty set for the other classes I will have....I'm gonna be running around like crazy during my first office hour.....getting parking permit, finding my office.....dealing with contracts and benefit stuff...Kinda has me freaking!

Anywho.....the St. Augustine vacation was amazing....we had so much fun! I absolutely loved sight seeing with Eric...we have alot of the same tastes in things we want to see....We went to this AMAZING museum in downtown St. Augustine called the Lightener Museum...basically it was just a random collection of stuff from the 19th century in an awesome old hotel!! In one of the rooms was this old lady who played all of the old music boxes for us....she was awesome!!! I can't even begin to explain how fun it was.....anywho....no more fun...now to work!!! God help me!

big girl pants

so i've officially entered the real work force......kinda strange that i'm almost 30 and this will be the first job I've ever had with a real salary......i'm really nervous about starting at Delgado....I haven't taught classes in over a year so I'm sorta out of practice but I'm not too worried....the first day will be kinda crazy but I should get back into the flow relatively easily....The lingering worry is that I won't be able to devote enough time to reading for my generals while working so much! But I've worked multiple jobs and gone to school so hopefully I can make it work....

The only downside to the new job is that I won't be seeing Eric during the week.....which will definitely suck! But hopefully it will only be for this semester.....we are thinking that Eric will move in with me in January--which is a pretty scary prospect all in itself. Eric has never lived with anyone....EVER!!! No roommates, no girlfriends...no ANYONE besides his parents.....and I don't have a great track record living with boyfriends (although I really shouldn't count Sam since he was basically just free housing while I was unemployed/homeless)......I'm not super worried about it. Although I'm kinda worried about Tripp....when Eric moves in Tripp will essentially be banned from the bedroom to keep Eric's allergies in check! poor puppy....no more cuddling on the bed!

We've also sorta been talking around the edges of marriage....it's mostly just general discussions...nothing concrete. Basically just agreeing that its our intention to stay together.....anywho......BIG GIRL PANTS!!! YAY!

I HATE THE MAIL....

so i am convinced i never want to check my mail ever again.....every time i do i get super stressed out.....there's always something unpleasent waiting for me......like today--my aunt apparently sent me a card with a $25 check in in congratulating me for passing minors (not that i'm not appreciative...but WTF $25!??! am i 12????).....went to get it out of the mail and found a water bill, an overdue ticket for $80, and a notice from the debt collectors from the Dept of Ed fuck up.....UGH!!!!

so the moral of the story kiddos is.....if you are going to send me something let it be an email--otherwise just keep it!

in the midst......

in the midst of trying to knock out this ridiculous paper (subject is great but i can't really devote the time i need to flush it out cuz off all the other crap i gotta do)......i find myself remembering why i love what i do! i think i've found a dissertation topic in this character i keep running across in all my source material named Thorkel the Tall(aka Thorkel the High).....he's a Jomsviking that helped conquer England in the eleventh century....I'm absolutely loving the fact that I can trace him through my source material and reconstruct his world.....better yet--no one that i know of has exclusively focused on this dude! not sure exactly what i want to do with him yet.....but it's amazing how he's present in all of my source stuff! All of the books I gathered writing my thesis, books that I only kinda used are now getting pulled out and there he is--Thorkel, staring back at me in the sources! Kinda like I was meant to find him!

it's nice motivation....sometimes i get so buried in crap for class that I forget my passion for my subject! I love my specialization! I love studying about Vikings and Anglo-Saxons! This guy has a fascinating story that has largely been marginalized and I want to tell it......demonstrate how dynamic this period is.....show how interesting these Vikings were...how complex there interactions were.........

anywho....enough of my dorky rant!

Mardi Gras Madness......

Today starts the craziness of Mardi Gras......I've been pulled out of retirement to work the opening shift today at Cats.....It was actually pretty fun how it happened (or atleast funny to me)....One of the other sign up girls put in her resignation a week or so ago.....I'm sitting at home that night and all of a sudden my phone BLOWS up with text messages.....Basically it was my old boss begging me to take atleast one if not more shifts to cover this girl who left....Of course I'm not gonna want to work alot but when he told me I'd be working opening with Tracy (my favorite EVA) I was won over!!! So yeah....gonna get some extra cash today......hopefully get alot of tips as well!!! Tracy and I always make bank on Mardi Gras!

Anywho....after work, Eric will be picking me up so we can go see the parade of Chewbaccus.....YES!!! A WOOKIE/STAR WARS/SCI FI MARDI GRAS PARADE!!!!! This is why i love New Orleans........I'm sooooo excited.....After that we will try to catch Bacchus and Endymion but I might poop out!

Monday--I'm not exactly sure what we are doing during the day....but Erin (my awesome friend from Baton Rouge) will be coming to stay over!!! SOOOO EXCITED!!!!

Tuesday-- Mardi Gras day will be spent in costume wandering the Quarter!!! Eric will be going as Bacchus and I will be a Maenad (not exactly like True Blood since I'm not gonna be part bull, eating people).....Erin will be a super combo of disney villians (Maleficent and Ursula combined into one costume)....We will be going down with Eric's Mom and his fairy-godfather Hank!!! Hank is gonna wear his "horny" costume....Basically ass-less chaps and a mesh shirt with horns sticking out of it! Can we say awesome!!!

I'm tired just thinking about all the awesomeness that will happen......